This week... KRUD Goes To The Country Radio Seminar In Nashville, TN
The Hype About CRS...........
Every year in February.... hundreds, if not thousands, of country radio station Managers, Program Directors, Music Directors, Alleged Air Talent, and other industry riff-raff converge on Nashville for the CRS... The Country Radio Seminar. At the CRS they have the opportunity to attend interesting seminars, they get to network, listen to new artists, talk to consultants, visit the exhibit hall and look at the latest services and music scheduling systems. In addition they get to visit all those Hospitality Suites and Record Company Parties. They are in Nashville to learn how to make their radio station a better station for you, the listener, stuck in Podunk.
Who Needs It?
Have you seen
Hey, you think
KRUD Radio Visits CRS29
No Flashing LED Don't waste your time. Slightly Informative Might Learn Something This One's Worth It You Gotta' Sit In On This
The CRS Seminars:
How To Increase Listening In The Restroom.
An overlooked target audience.
How To Increase Morale While Cutting Your Air-Staff By Half
Use computer technology to get rid of real people that depend on you for a living.
How To Increase Morale While Cutting Your Air-Staff's Salary By Half
How to explain to your staff that... "It's only money." and convince them that it's for the good of the station.
How To Increase Time Spent Listening While Playing Record Company Stiffs
This discussion group is hosted by some of Country Music's top record company executives.
How To Increase Station Revenue By Tapping Record Company Expense Accounts
You'll want to sit in on this one. Record companies have lots of money to throw around... unlike most radio stations.
How To Get Record Companies To Pay For Your (Family) Vacation In Hawaii
This one is a must for every Music Director. Never pay for another airline ticket or vacation again.... not to mention hotel rooms, rental cars and personal electronics.
The Regional Record Rep: How To Abuse Him
Most of you already know how to do this. This is for the newcomer to the industry.
Record Companies: Why They Oppose Play For Pay (Duh!)
Air Talent: How To Recognize It
(Mandatory For General Managers)
How To Deal With Air Talent That's More Intelligent Than You
(Mandatory for Program Directors and General Managers)
Should The Country Music Industry Move To L.A. ?
If It's The Best Song On The CD Why Can't We Play It Now?
Why record companies force you to play the stiffs first.
(We're not sure what this will be but whatever it will be, rest assured it will be COMPELLING.)
How To Blow Off Artists That Don't Have A Hit Using the old "we'll record this for playback on tomorrow's morning show" routine and more.
How To Ruin A Radio Station (Panel discussion by former GMs)
How To Make Gawking Listeners Go Away During Remote Broadcasts Clients get edgy when those gawkers show up at the remote and stand transfixed in front of the DJ for hours without buying anything... sometimes they don't even breathe. This panel will show you unique ways of getting rid of these pesky listeners without killing them.
The Importance Of The Refrigerator Magnet How to make a lasting impression on your listening audience with Refrigerator Magnets and other junk no one would ever think of buying.
Arbitron: Why They're Always Right
(No holds barred discussion with a panel of listeners that do not exist..... even though they turned in diaries..)
Promotions On A Budget: Let The Clients Pay For Your Promotions
(how to lose a station identity: ie "It's the McDonallds, Pepsi, Chevrolet, Blockbuster Music, American Airlines Cash Song Contest on KRUD!")
- Managing Your People Through Consolidation When you attend this session you'll hear from managers who have successfully destroyed radio stations, the lives of their employees and their sense of identity. Learn from managers of other corporate muggings on how to "consolidate" staffs, identify the pitfalls of merging, and take away ideas that could keep morale high during the change.
- GM's Breakfast Join other station general managers for Bloody Marys and share hangover remedies that are working in today's highly competitive marketplace.
- General Managers Chat Room. Learn how to pick up 13 year olds on the internet. There will also be an on-line interactive session with some of the best golf pros in the country.
- Work and Family The pressures of increased competition can easily hose your family life. Join a specialist at this session to learn about getting work done and still have time for Lamaze class.
- Taking Your Career to the Next Level This potent session will demonstrate the skills you need to get fired. It will also serve as a clinic to show you how to put together a powerful resume; and you'll discover the behaviors that get you grossly overpaid (even if you have no talent at all)
- Leading Your Team To the Next Millenium Polish your leadership skills as one of the nation's most compelling presenters teaches you the most compelling methods to make your station more "compelling".
- Ten Skills of a Great Program Director Programming burnout Buzz Bentley presents an interactive session that promises to teach you programming, polish your skills, passing drug tests and show you new ways to blame the morning show for El Nino.
- CRS-U for Programmers These three CRSU sessions guarantee that you'll be set for advancement in your career. You'll learn basic and advanced radio programming with a full understanding of ratings. Well include strategies to boost your listenership, manage your precious time, all without spilling your drink.
- The Focus Group: Country Listeners Talk About Country Radio In the winter of 1998 what will be causing your listeners to push the button to find another station? Join this session to see real listeners not a "panel of experts" Well, we didn't have the budget for a "panel of experts".
- Smash It or Trash It: The World's Largest Music Meeting Attendees will have a unique opportunity to act like Keith Moon and totally destroy their hotel room.
- How to Critique, Coach, and Motivate Air Talent Listen as Dan O'Day once again demonstrates that those who can, do, and those who can't, have seminars.
- Hookers! Where to look, and how much you can expect to pay in todays's marketplace.
- Unique Research for Country Radio Sales CRB commissioned a massive research project costing literally tens and tens of dollars that will give you insights into the buyer of radio advertising. You'll see the research presented, but more importantly you'll get some really cool handout materials It's guaranteed to give you a papercut.
- CRSU- Sales University This session gives you basic and advanced radio sales training focusing on database marketing, promotions, non-traditional revenue, non-spot revenue and three martini luches.. You'll also hear from a panel of advertisers discussing country music as a terrible mistake.
- Sales Management: Learn proven strategies from Scott Ginsburg as he addresses the challenges of selling multiple stations, and why he has never paid retail in his life. Not even for that Eames recliner..
- GSM Breakfast Just the same as the GM's breakfast with call, not well drinks.
General Interest :
- Meet the Group Heads CRS brings you some of the top stoners in country radio. They'll share their stash as well as vision for their radio groups and let us in on the future of country radio in this era of continuing "Just Say No" ethics.
- WCRS Live! Always a CRS highlight, this session allows songwriters to discuss the roots of their songs and to display their artistry in an intimate acoustic setting. Recent performers have included John Berry, Matraca Berg, and dozens of other people you've never heard of.
The CRS & Networking:
- You can find out which station is about to blow out a good friend of yours. You can even apply for his job while at the CRS.
- You can listen to air-checks of talent from all over the country and secretly make plans to hire them away from their current jobs.. it's all in good fun, of course.
- By networking you can find out where the really hot parties will be and how to get your name on the list for those parties.
- Who would want to miss another opportunity to get on-board The General Lee?
(You'd have to be there to understand.)
- Have exciting lunches and breakfasts with other Station Managers and talk about your golf game.
- Find out which Nudie bar has the best looking dancers and which ones will allow a "hands on" introduction to country radio broadcasting from your state.
The CRS & Consultants:
- If your radio station is having trouble in the ratings... Have no fear! CONsultant Man is here! Yep, any and every problem with your radio station can be solved by any number of briefcase toting, calculator brandishing CONsultants at the CRS. They will be there for you when you bemoan the fact that your station used to be number one and now it's in the dumper. The answer will be crystal clear to the CONsultant but you can not see it. This is another reason you need to come to the CRS. Let former Disc Jockeys, that you would never consider hiring because they sound awful, have no personality and lost their last on-air gig because their ratings sucked, tell you what is wrong with your station and air-staff. Hey, if you're losing in the ratings battle... why not lose in a big way? Hire a CONsultant.
The CRS & Listening To New Artist:
- The New Faces Showcase.... yes, it's one of the high points of the CRS. You get to listen to artists no one has ever heard or seen before, except maybe the people that run CMT, Two to three hours of good comradery with industry buddies and record company weasels that will want you to commit to playing these new artists the day you get back home from the CRS.
- Let's not forget those Record Companies and their little private parties. There's always sure to be a new artist within a shot glass of the bar where you have to get your free booze.
The CRS & The Exhibit Hall:
- So where do you go during the middle of the day after nodding off in an exciting seminar? Why of course, The Exhibit Hall! Here you'll find vendors of all kinds of stuff.
- Overpriced and lame syndicated radio shows.
- The latest (really cheap) promotional ideas
- Music Scheduling Software that has been 10 years in the works and still can't schedule an hour properly.
- The latest digital editing system... so that you can crank out bad commercials at two to three times the rate you did last year.
The CRS & Hospitality Suites / Record Company Parties:
- OK, here's the fun stuff. After listening to the same crap you heard last year at this time, you need a break. It's PARTY TIME! Yes, Nashville does know how to put on a party. Record Companies fly in talent for free shows, great food is provided, attractive women appear (and disappear), There is no pressure to play the latest stiff..... well, maybe a little.... It's time to kick back and talk about the good old days when radio was fun. When was that? Well, it was a long time ago..... before big seminars, before CONsultants, and before Nashville built an assembly line to produce the next generation of country artists.
KRUD Listener Tip:
"If you have ever thought of becoming a DJ... you have already flunked life's IQ Test."