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This week... KRUD Goes To The Country Radio
Seminar In Nashville, TN
The
Hype About CRS...........
Every year
in February.... hundreds, if not thousands, of country radio station
Managers, Program Directors, Music Directors, Alleged Air Talent, and
other industry riff-raff converge on Nashville for the CRS... The Country
Radio Seminar. At the CRS they have the opportunity to attend
interesting seminars, they get to network, listen to new artists, talk
to consultants, visit the exhibit hall and look at the latest services
and music scheduling systems. In addition they get to visit all
those Hospitality Suites and Record Company Parties. They are in Nashville
to learn how to make their radio station a better station for you, the
listener, stuck in Podunk.
The
CRS Seminars:
 How
To Increase Listening In The Restroom.
An overlooked target audience.
How
To Increase Morale While Cutting Your Air-Staff By Half
Use computer technology to get rid of real people that
depend on you for a living.
How
To Increase Morale While Cutting Your Air-Staff's Salary By Half
How to explain to your staff that... "It's only money."
and convince them that it's for the good of the station.
How
To Increase Time Spent Listening While Playing Record Company Stiffs
This discussion group is hosted by some of Country Music's
top record company executives.
How
To Increase Station Revenue By Tapping Record Company Expense Accounts
You'll want to sit in on this one. Record companies
have lots of money to throw around... unlike most radio stations.
How
To Get Record Companies To Pay For Your (Family) Vacation
In Hawaii
This one is a must for every Music Director.
Never pay for another airline ticket or vacation again.... not to
mention hotel rooms, rental cars and personal electronics.
The
Regional Record Rep: How To Abuse Him
Most of you already know how to do this. This is
for the newcomer to the industry.
Record
Companies: Why They Oppose Play For Pay (Duh!)
Air
Talent: How To Recognize It
(Mandatory For General Managers)
How
To Deal With Air Talent That's More Intelligent Than You
(Mandatory for Program Directors
and General Managers)
Should
The Country Music Industry Move To L.A. ?
If
It's The Best Song On The CD Why Can't We Play It Now?
Why record companies force you to play the stiffs first.
FOCUS:
(We're not sure what this will be but whatever it will
be, rest assured it will be COMPELLING.)
How
To Blow Off Artists That Don't Have A Hit Using the
old "we'll record this for playback on tomorrow's morning show"
routine and more.
How
To Ruin A Radio Station (Panel discussion by former GMs)
How
To Make Gawking Listeners Go Away During Remote Broadcasts
Clients get edgy when those gawkers show up at the remote and stand
transfixed in front of the DJ for hours without buying anything...
sometimes they don't even breathe. This panel
will show you unique ways of getting rid of these pesky listeners
without killing them.
The
Importance Of The Refrigerator Magnet How to make
a lasting impression on your listening audience with Refrigerator
Magnets and other junk no one would ever think of buying.
Arbitron:
Why They're Always Right
(No holds barred discussion with a panel of listeners that do not
exist..... even though they turned in diaries..)
Promotions
On A Budget: Let The Clients Pay For Your Promotions
(how to lose a station identity: ie "It's the McDonallds,
Pepsi, Chevrolet, Blockbuster Music, American Airlines Cash Song
Contest on KRUD!")
Management
:
- Managing
Your People Through Consolidation When you attend this session
you'll hear from managers who have successfully destroyed radio stations,
the lives of their employees and their sense of identity. Learn from
managers of other corporate muggings on how to "consolidate"
staffs, identify the pitfalls of merging, and take away ideas that
could keep morale high during the change.
- GM's
Breakfast Join other station general managers for Bloody
Marys and share hangover remedies that are working in today's highly
competitive marketplace.
- General
Managers Chat Room. Learn how to pick up 13 year olds on
the internet. There will also be an on-line interactive session
with some of the best golf pros in the country.
- Work
and Family The pressures of increased competition can easily
hose your family life. Join a specialist at this session to learn
about getting work done and still have time for Lamaze class.
- Taking
Your Career to the Next Level This potent session will demonstrate
the skills you need to get fired. It will also serve as a clinic to
show you how to put together a powerful resume; and you'll discover
the behaviors that get you grossly overpaid (even if you have no talent
at all)
- Leading
Your Team To the Next Millenium Polish your leadership skills
as one of the nation's most compelling presenters teaches you the
most compelling methods to make your station more "compelling".
Programming:
- Ten
Skills of a Great Program Director Programming burnout Buzz
Bentley presents an interactive session that promises to teach you
programming, polish your skills, passing drug tests and show you new
ways to blame the morning show for El Nino.
- CRS-U
for Programmers These three CRSU sessions guarantee that
you'll be set for advancement in your career. You'll learn basic and
advanced radio programming with a full understanding of ratings. We’ll
include strategies to boost your listenership, manage your precious
time, all without spilling your drink.
- The
Focus Group: Country Listeners Talk About Country Radio In
the winter of 1998 what will be causing your listeners to push the
button to find another station? Join this session to see real listeners…not
a "panel of experts"… Well, we didn't have the budget
for a "panel of experts".
- Smash
It or Trash It: The World's Largest Music Meeting Attendees
will have a unique opportunity to act like Keith Moon and totally
destroy their hotel room.
- How
to Critique, Coach, and Motivate Air Talent Listen as Dan
O'Day once again demonstrates that those who can, do, and those who
can't, have seminars.
- Hookers!
Where to look, and how much you can expect to pay in todays's marketplace.
Sales:
- Unique
Research for Country Radio Sales CRB commissioned a massive
research project costing literally tens and tens of dollars that will
give you insights into the buyer of radio advertising. You'll see
the research presented, but more importantly you'll get some really
cool handout materials It's guaranteed to give you a papercut.
- CRSU-
Sales University This session gives you basic and advanced
radio sales training focusing on database marketing, promotions, non-traditional
revenue, non-spot revenue and three martini luches.. You'll also hear
from a panel of advertisers discussing country music as a terrible
mistake.
- Sales
Management: Learn proven strategies from Scott Ginsburg as
he addresses the challenges of selling multiple stations, and why
he has never paid retail in his life. Not even for that Eames recliner..
- GSM Breakfast
Just the same as the GM's breakfast with call, not well drinks.
General
Interest :
- Meet
the Group Heads CRS brings you some of the top stoners in
country radio. They'll share their stash as well as vision for their
radio groups and let us in on the future of country radio in this
era of continuing "Just Say No" ethics.
- WCRS
Live! Always a CRS highlight, this session allows songwriters
to discuss the roots of their songs and to display their artistry
in an intimate acoustic setting. Recent performers have included John
Berry, Matraca Berg, and dozens of other people you've never heard
of.
The
CRS & Networking:
- You
can find out which station is about to blow out a good friend
of yours. You can even apply for his job while at the CRS.
- You
can listen to air-checks of talent from all over the country
and secretly make plans to hire them away from their current jobs..
it's all in good fun, of course.
- By
networking you can find out where the really hot parties
will be and how to get your name on the list for those parties.
- Who
would want to miss another opportunity to get on-board The
General Lee?
(You'd have to be there to understand.)
- Have
exciting lunches and breakfasts with other Station Managers
and talk about your golf game.
- Find
out which Nudie bar has the best looking dancers and which
ones will allow a "hands on" introduction to country radio
broadcasting from your state.
The
CRS & Consultants:
- If your
radio station is having trouble in the ratings... Have no
fear! CONsultant Man is here! Yep, any and every problem
with your radio station can be solved by any number of briefcase toting,
calculator brandishing CONsultants at the CRS. They will be
there for you when you bemoan the fact that your station used to be
number one and now it's in the dumper. The answer will be crystal
clear to the CONsultant but you can not see
it. This is another reason you need to come to the CRS.
Let former Disc Jockeys, that you would never consider hiring because
they sound awful, have no personality and lost their last on-air gig
because their ratings sucked, tell you what
is wrong with your station and air-staff. Hey,
if you're losing in the ratings battle... why not lose in a big way?
Hire a CONsultant.
The
CRS & Listening To New Artist:
- The
New Faces Showcase.... yes, it's one of the high points of
the CRS. You get to listen to artists no one has ever heard
or seen before, except maybe the people that run CMT, Two to three
hours of good comradery with industry buddies and record company weasels
that will want you to commit to playing these new artists the day
you get back home from the CRS.
- Let's
not forget those Record Companies and their little private
parties. There's always sure to be a new artist within a shot
glass of the bar where you have to get your free booze.
The
CRS & The Exhibit Hall:
- So
where do you go during the middle of the day after nodding
off in an exciting seminar? Why of course, The Exhibit Hall!
Here you'll find vendors of all kinds of stuff.
- Overpriced
and lame syndicated radio shows.
- The latest
(really cheap) promotional ideas
- Music Scheduling
Software that has been 10 years in the works and still can't schedule
an hour properly.
- The latest
digital editing system... so that you can crank out bad commercials
at two to three times the rate you did last year.
The
CRS & Hospitality Suites / Record Company Parties:
- OK,
here's the fun stuff. After listening to the same crap you heard
last year at this time, you need a break. It's PARTY TIME!
Yes, Nashville does know how to put on a party. Record Companies
fly in talent for free shows, great food is provided, attractive women
appear (and disappear), There is no pressure to play the latest stiff.....
well, maybe a little.... It's time to kick back and talk about the
good old days when radio was fun. When was that? Well,
it was a long time ago..... before big seminars, before CONsultants,
and before Nashville built an assembly line to produce the next generation
of country artists.
To
Visit The Real CRS Site Click This..
 KRUD
Listener Tip:
"If you have
ever thought of becoming a DJ... you have already flunked life's IQ
Test."
Jim Tyler
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